I called myself on the telephone, just to see if I was home.
I asked myself out on a date. Got me ready by half past eight.
I'm nuts, tk tk, I'm nuts!

I took myself to the movie grand, just to hold my little old hand.
I put my arm around my waste, gave a squeeze, and slapped my face
I'm nuts, tk tk, I'm nuts!

I asked myself to marry me. I said that I'd be happy.
I told myself that it was my fate, then got drunk, and came too late.
I'm nuts, tk tk, I'm nuts!

I told myself just to go away, there was nothing left to say.
I got a lawyer to take my case, then he took away my place.
I'm nuts, tk tk, I'm nuts!

They threw me in a padded cell and that's when my spirits fell.
I'd have to spend the rest of life alone with my not-quite-wife.
I'm nuts, tk tk, I'm nuts!

I'm a little acorn brown sitting on the cold, cold ground.
Everybody steps on me, that is why I'm cracked you see.
I'm nuts, tk tk, I'm nuts!