Cartoons-page 2
Gracies Dinnertime Theatre Page 2
Poor Velma. Poor, poor, blind Velma. Always the fifth wheel. Shaggy had Scooby¥. Fred had Daphne (hell, I'm sure they all had Daphne at some point or another). Velma had her glasses, and they just kept falling off.
The Hanna-Barbara studios must have been the opium den of their day. They didn't stop at Scooby. Remember Grape Ape and Speed Buggy? I'll bet you could've just LICKED the TV screen during an episode of Grape Ape to take a trip to the inner workings of your subconscious. Speed Buggy didn't take the unlaced gasoline, either. And it would explain the reoccurrence of speech impediments in these characters. Don't even get me started on the Laff Olympics. Far more than your usual caricatures of evil loonies vs. dopey good guys there.

And look at the Smurfs. Another cartoon with societal deviancy as its theme. Little blue guys that live in mushrooms? Ah-huh. And only one female for 100 guys? I'm sure Smurfette made the rounds¤. Baby Smurf had to come from somewhere. Surfette's birth control was only 99% effective and, well....
Let's face it; if I were walking through the woods and saw a bunch of Smurfs, my first reaction would be astonishment. That would quickly fade after they sang 17 verses of their one and only song. Then I'd just start squashing those little blue shits. To hell with the gold, I want to see blood.
¥ I sometimes wonder if Scooby-Doo wasn't a metaphor for all of our lives. A group of people, driving through the world in a vehicle that is mystery, even to themselves, struggling to solve the mysteries of others. Maybe there is some sage advice in Scooby's catch phrase. Maybe there's an anagram in there. A phrase that could set us all free from the shackles of mortal thought....Then again, maybe it's just a stupid phrase like "Ri rove rou Reorge."

¤ It's interesting to note the similarity between the creation of Smurfette and Eve. In The Smurfs, Gargamel made Smurfette to trick the Smurfs so he could catch them and turn them into gold. Was the writer trying to say that God had evil intentions when he made Eve? Or was he just saying that all females are inherently evil?


Cereal
-B.J. Leopold

Warning: Please ignore this story and all its allusions. Any reference to real people or circumstances is
probably deliberate, but may just be coincidence.

The Sandwich: Episode II

The little sports car was skimming down the dirt road toward the lights to the north. The driver was smiling.
"Yeehah! What did I tell you, little darlin'? We gonna be all right!" Vic smiled through his teeth at her, and she could barely suppress the urge to punch them out. Instead, she giggled lightly, and Vic smiled broader as he turned off of the dirt road.
A few hours later, the little sports car pulled into a gas station just off the highway, and from the hill above them, a pair of bloodshot eyes watched the two go in to get a snack from the mini-mart after they filled their tank. The bloodshot eyes walked down from the hill slowly, checking all around for anyone suspicious, but no one even gave them a second glance. They got into the little sports car, and quickly, deftly searched inside. having found nothing of immediate interest, they started the engine and headed for the highway, glancing only once in the rear-view mirror to check for the pair who's car had been commandeered. They were nowhere in sight; the little sports car turned smoothly out onto the highway, and began to pass the other cars quickly.

Vic was still smiling as he rounded the corner of the van, and stopped suddenly short as his chin slapped his chest. Sandy, behind him a few feet, didn't notice at first, but then looked up and asked, "What's wrong, Vic? Let's get out of here...You alright?"
Vic looked at her slowly and stuttered, "The car, it's...it's gone. i swear we was right here by the street lamp, I swear we was...."
"Gone?! What do you mean gone!? You stupid hick! How the hell could you lose a car in the middle of a goddam parking lot! Now we had better find some way to make the delivery on time before..." She looked at Vic hard, and his face fell sharply into that of a scared child. "Don't tell me you left the stuff in the car, Vic, I will not be happy with you, and neither will your boss....You did, didn't you? You lost it." At his tiny nod, she gave in to her urge, and the punch sent him sprawling backward over the asphalt.

There was a large man sitting behind a large desk, in a high-backed oak chair. he picked up the phone after the third ring, and casually answered the hysterical caller.
"Hey, Boss, I got bad news for ya. I stopped at a gas station to fill up the tank, and somebody stole the car with the stuff in it. I don't have the stuff, boss, i lost it. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you boss, really I will."
"Of course you will, Victor, of course you will, " the large man slowly put the phone down, and looking straight ahead, said to the room, "I hear from a reliable source that my friend Victor has been left alone too long. Go now, accompany him and teach him a lesson about failing me so utterly." The large man closed his eyes slowly and opened them again. A small man nodded his head, picked up his gun, and left the room through the small door into the garage.
To be Continued...


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