He is evil. By saying that, I do not imply simply that he is not a good citizen, or that he enjoys poking animals with pointy sticks. I imply that he is the living embodiment of human evil and that I do not think he can be killed.
My reasons for such accusations? As we worked together on this edition of Piggy-Loviní, I began to notice little things about him that are just not normal. He eats nothing but water and meatballs, he wears socks on his hands, and always reeks of sacrificial goats. Also, he has been alive for over sixty years, yet still looks eighteen and lives in a college dorm.
The truth about his evil nature, however, became apparent when we asked him about his checkered past. He told us it was not very interesting, but he left his wallet out one day, and I was able to scan these pictures from it. Another time, when he was drunk, he confessed to us that crack and heroin were both his idea, and that he once spent a weekend infecting kittens with leprosy.
I cannot write any more...He just stepped into the room...