Ask Susan
Ask Susan Kendall, female relations psycologist, questions about yourself and your femeninity.
-Questions answered by Eric
Dear Susan,
Recently I watched a home video of my family's Christmas when I was 18. I looked so thin then! In the past few years though, I've put on a few pounds, and I think my husband is somewhat ashamed of me. Enclosed is a picture of myself. Honestly, do you think I need to lose weight? I mean, do I look fat?
-Wondering
-Yes.
-Eric
Dear Susan,
My husband always leaves the toilet seat up. Why is it so hard for men to leave it down. Is there something I can do to make him change his ways, or am I just out of luck?
-Veronica
-What is so freaking hard about leaving the seat UP!?! Huh? Nothing pisses me off more than an untrained woman that ALWAYS leaves the seat down. Sometimes I really have to take a piss, and it just really irks me when I have to take the extra time to put the seat back up to its original and natural position. I mean, pissing on the rim is a lot worse than sitting on a little bit thinner rim. And don't give me any lip about 'almost falling in.' If you're stupid enough to fall in a goddam toilet, then you deserve a wet ass.
-Eric
Dear Susan,
I'm tired of men getting better jobs and acting superior to me just because they're men.
-Tired
-Freud had this theory of 'penis envy'. I have this theory that you're just not that smart. Were you in resource classes in elementary school? You know, the slow classes? Now that you're out in the real world, you're going to have to learn to live with resource jobs. My advice to you is to develop a passion for picking up garbage or washing dishes, because that's all you're going to get.
-Eric
Dear Susan,
I began menopause earlier this year, and I was feeling some anxiety towards my new role in life. I was wondering if you had any advice for me in my situation?
-Anxious
-Anxiety? Please! I thought the end of menstration would be the happiest part of a woman's life. If I were you, I'd be going to parties and getting drunk and never worrying about 'what time of the month' it is. Anxious, huh? Is that why you woman are such bad drivers? Is it because of you always getting 'anxious' over the littlest things? Yesterday I was cut off by some fat woman in a Geo Metro, I bet she was anxious about something like, missing her favorite soap opera or not having enough Ring Dings at home. Jesus Christ, lighten up.
-Eric