Thereís been a lot of talk about gay rights in our country, especially recently, but if you ask me, we have too many already! Have you read some of the rights we have as Americans? Theyíre pretty gay! We should be spending time getting rid of these instead of adding more. Thatís why I decided to walk through the Bill of Rights with you and show you our gay rights.

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-2nd amendment-
The Right to Bear Arms
This is pretty gay if you ask me. Isnít comforting to know that militias are protected by the government they mean to destroy? Kind of gay if you ask me. Besides, if you already have a gun, the right to bear it is in the ammunition. Trust me.

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-3rd amendment-
No Soldier Shall Be Quartered Without Consent of the Owner
Wouldnít you hate to one day find a soldier in your home? Without your consent? They make enough money to go to a motel. How do they expect to get in without your consent anyway? We have the right to bear arms. And if they still try to quarter in your house, just wait until theyíre asleep and stick year-old salmon in their underwear. Thatís how I get rid of unwanted guests.

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-4th amendment-
Double Jeopardy
One of our amendments is named after a segment of a game show! How gay is that?! I mean, we couldnít even get an entire show, just the second part! Powerful country? Yea, right.

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-5th amendment-
This is probably the gayest. "In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved . . ." Twenty bucks! Why the hell would someone sue for under twenty dollars! That stupid woman at McDonalds spilt coffee and got a couple million. As any American knows, our civil cases arenít about justice. They are about money. And if you want money, you only need to know two words: Mental Anguish. Those words are guaranteed to bring in more then twenty bucks, and if you ask me, theyíre making our court system gay.

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-6th amendment-
"The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people." The right itself is not that gay, but man, look how they worded it! That is really gay! Enumeration! Construed! Come on, not only are the choice of words gay, but it just makes it more confusing. It took me three times before I understood what they meant. And if you ask me, thatís gay.

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-7th amendment-
The States' Rights Amendment
This right wouldnít be so gay if it wasnít used so much as an excuse for states not to do what congress tells them to. Letís face it. Our government has checks and balances that work, so the only time we need to fear a tyrant is when they start acting like Andrew Jackson and completely ignore other branches of the government when they disagree. So states, stop acting like a gay baby and use the amendment when it needs to, not when its convenient.

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Well, my fellow Americans, I hope you now realize that we have too many gay rights as it is, and more of these laws are not what we need. Besides, for some reason, nobody seems to like my gay right at all:

The Leather Pants/Hat/Boot/Vest Amendment.
Article 1. Any man caught wearing such garments together not as a joke will be publicly ridiculed.
Article 2. The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.