Melancholy
Predator
Pesach

Volume 2, Issue 47 Apr 96

"Everyone says sex is obscene, but the only true obscenity is war." - Henry Miller

Have you ever noticed that bad things don't happen singly? Lots of people say bad things come in threes. These people grossly underestimate the generosity of the universe. Women pee in

threes whenever possible. Gods come in sets of three in at least three religions I can think off the top of my head. Matter of fact, people who say that come in threes. But, evil occurrences come in huge white hordes of screamingteeth. Not sharp teeth, mind you, but lots of dull little nippers; like being bitten to death by a pack of toothless old grandmothers.*** No single grandmother bite will hurt very badly, but it's usually surprising and flustering. The second or third bite, however, tends to get annoying. Not to mention the chance of infection from contact with their bloody gums. (You know that vociferous grandmothers travel in gangs of motorized carts all around the mall, sometimes lying in ambush for unsuspecting mall rats.) And when you get fifty or sixty together nipping, you're avalanched in Geriatric ParkTM.
Bad things don't neccesarily happen all at once, but consecutively over the course of the day or a lifetime. For instance, a particular Plymouth Duster I know first lost the driver's door handle then the brakes, then the clutch, then the brakes again, then the passenger door handle, then the transmission, then the driver's door handle, then the transmission, and then finally the gas tank and the exhaust system. It had a few other problems, but the trend is obvious. People are the same way over their lifetimes, first their kids move out, then they lose their job out of either incompetence or retiring, then their spouses reject them, and their neighbors kids start to egg their houses every week just for chuckles, then they start to lose their sanity, and finally their bowels and muscles give out. Order is not always the same; it's usually designed to do the most damage.

The phenomenon is well-known: people walk around minding their own business and suddenly their whole reality explodes into consecutive maleficence. The worst part about this phenomenon is when the people to whom the really shitty stuff happens turn around and become the perpetrators of deliberate acts of clusterfuck** on other people. Why we think that acting violent will make us feel better about the acts of violence done to us has been a mystery for centuries. Take Adolf Hitler, for example: he was a short, one-balled, bad-mustached, Jew who felt severely slighted and cheated by his lot in life. His childhood and adolescence were riddled with disappointment and rejection, and his adulthood was peppered with retaliatory murder. Yet, we did not learn from his mishaps...the KKKlan is comprised of oppressed "white trash" who have no one, except the Blacks and the Catholics, below them to beat on. And the Catholics and Republicans, in turn, have nobody else to prey on but homosexuals, unwed mothers and bastards, and the handicapped. Humans have an amazing for capacity for forgiveness, but they have an equally amazing tendency not to bother.

Why do we let the evil spirits, angels and trolls rule us? We choose to let them into our lives so that they may make decisions for us. Why do we leave ourselves vulnerable to infiltration? Our desire for instant gratification is the broodmare of allowed infiltration. Negative reactions produce immediate results. Most humans lead their lives as an amalgam: dash of evil, chunk of good, or a dash of the other and a cup of the one.

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*** What would you call a group of grandmothers? A group of lions is a pride; there's pods of whales, murders of crows. A barrel of monkeys, a bucket of snakes. A wrinkle of grandmother's? Or maybe a babble of grannys? What it comes down to is that a group of grandmother's together is a rest home.
** Clusterfuck (n) - a rational, deliberate act of confusion, criminal in most states.

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