Volume 3, Issue 3 Melancholy Predator Page 2 22 Sep 96
Continued from p.1
Why do people kill themselves? Essentially this: they have no reason to live. Sounds simple, but really it takes quite a bit to convince yourself that there isnít one reason left to keep chugging away at the old salt lick of life. Sure, some wusses get melancholy and stop looking for a raison díetre (tha'ís "raisin of life" in French). We call these sad cases attempted suicides. For the hard core suicide contemplator, the revelation that there really is no meaning in life is profound. Thatís when real depression sets in and successful suicides often occur. Itís all a matter of patience, though, really, can you wait through the dry spell till you find something you consider worthwhile, or will you kill yourself first? Most of society has been brainwashed by after-school specials, where the lead character's best friend always says "But Suzy, you have sooo much to live for!"
Even if youíre seriously contemplating suicide, it's hard to actually go through it. I mean, look at the problems... messy death is a pain to clean up, and hurts a bit more than most of us really want. It's also a pretty non- reversible event. You die........... umm, that's it. Just ask Democritus: your atoms rearrange and join other combinations in other living things, and you simply, permanently cease to exist. Thatís it, nothing more to it, no afterlife, no eternal soul, no whisper of return. Nothing. So why are we rushing towards it so quickly? Of course, I've yet to be convinced that there's anything particularly useful in living, either, but it sure opens up the possibilities. Problem is, most people donít bother to carpe any of theirdiems, so they only leave themselves a few choices: eat, sleep, or shit. Thatís the basic list. Really not a lot left, is there? Read a book, play a video game, drink, smoke, fuck, converse with a friend about the possibility that time is not linear and everything in our lives is meaningless, since there is no cause and effect? As Camus says, "Rising, streetcar, four hours in the office or the factory, meal, streetcar, four hours of work, meal, sleep, and Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday and Saturday according to the same rhythm - this path easily followed most of the time. But one day the "why" arises and everything begins in that weariness tinged with amazement." He of course goes on to explain a lot more, but Iím certainly not going to ecap the entire Myth of Sisyphus Readings for you here, so stop whining. OK, where were we? Oh yeah, we were killing ourselves...
I know there are some of you perky little twits out there saying "But, but I can make a difference in this world, and do a load of good for everybody." Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy! Yeah, so what? Think about it. You are one person out of thousands of people who might do something good for some portion of humanity beyond their own ego. What about all those poor bastards that are going to receive your oh-so-generous gift? Trust me, they don't deserve it. Save yourself the trouble and the heartache of making a difference in someone else's life, when all later generations will do is complain that your name is another one they'll have to memorize before the next history quiz.
But there is another little irony here. Essentially, the knowledge that you are choosing to die would bring some people an overwhelming sense of tranquillity. Screw them. Choosing to die is an end, but to find tranquillity for yourself control your life in a more subtle way than ending it. Youíre stuck here, now, and youdidn'ít ask for it. Might as well thank the Cosmos by trying to make here and now better, or work toward making it an even more Stygian pit. If you'íre static, itís truly better that youíd never existed.

Thug Life 2Pac 1970-1996 Thug Death
"They'll never take me alive, I'm getting high on my profile, copped on these suckers till I die." - From the song "Pain" by Tupac Shakur

The shock of the shooting of Tupac Shakur after the Mike Tyson fight, resulting in his subsequent death sent shockwaves throughout the country and the rap community. His rap and acting life started with the band Digital Underground, Tupac going solo in 1990 with his album 2pacalypse Now, and the acclaimed movie Juice. This started a riddled life of court hopping and short jail stints, culminating in a police record bigger than John Holmesí dick. He was embraced b his fans and passionately hated by his critics. But one thing always rang true with 2Pac - he was real and led the lifestyle he sang about. He was more than Gangsta Rap and put a lot of thought and intelligence in his music with songs such as Brenda'ís Got A Baby, Papaz Song, Kee Ya Head Up, Pain, and Only God Can Judge Me. He appeared to begin to sell out on a couple songs from his last two albums, but the respect and emotion was still there. His most powerful album was Strictly For My N.I.G.G.A.Z., and no one could call him fake (unlike Dr. Dre who used to wear tight little pants and sing pussy folk music).
The controversy leading up to Tupacís death was dealing with Bad Boy records and the Notorious B.I.G. (that fat fuck who wouldnít know talent if it bit him on his chunky, chocolate-filled ass). Tupac accused B.I.G. in his first shooting and also on t he MTV video music awards told them to ďbring itĒ if they had the balls. Maybe they did. Tupac went as so far as to threaten them in the song "Hit 'Em Up". So in a sense Tupac was asking for what came, but still did not deserve to die. He was s een as a savior by many.
Tupac Shakur brought rap to new levels and had loyal fans all over the country. His creative beats and emotionally charged lyrics earned him respect, even permeating into the white community. He was a leader that brought project life to the forefron t and will be sorely missed. In one of his songs he asks, "How long will they mourn me?" The answer: a long time.

- Straightballer

Chronicle: Tupac's Last Two Years
  • Shot two police officers - acquitted
  • 10 days in jail for kicking the ass of the director of Menace II Society
  • Many court room appearances
  • shot five times in NYC
  • Served eight months in jail for alleged sexual assault. His album Me Against The World spent four weeks at #1 while he was in jail.
  • Released first double album by a rapper
  • Shot with four fatal bullets (one in the Thug Life tattoo)
  • New movie coming out next year

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