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In the past few weeks, we've recieved quite a few letters addressed to the barefoot girl, so, we're giving her her own column:
Ask BFG
Dear BFG,
I recently broke up with my girl friend of two years. I just want to know where all the love goes.
Dejectidly yours,
Mike
Dear Mike,
Well Mike, love is a phenomena that is not well understood; but allow me to elucidate.
It's probably not well known that love is an allergic reaction to a specific type of pollen. You see, there is a small unihabited island in the South Pacific where a very rare plant, known by a select group of botanists (all of them on the GDT staff) as Mandragora aphroditis, grows.
The reproductive cycles of these plants are extremely peculiar. When the plants reach maturity their seed pods burst, spreading millions of microscopic grains of pollen into the air. This pollen is then distrubuted throughout the world by the Southeast Trade winds (so, it's not coincidence that cruise ships follow the Gulf Stream; they are taking advantage of the elevated aphroditis pollen levels). Eventually, every corner of the globe is saturated with the pollen (with the exception of the Sargasso Sea.
The most logical and sensable people in the world can be found living on a immense raft community at the center of the Sargasso Sea).
The pollen inbeds itself in the avioli of the lungs. Through an interaction with the infected individual's antibodies, the alergic reation of "love" is experienced.
Once bound to an antibody, the pollen becomes mature The gestation period necessary for this pollen depends on the individual infected: if the person has a short attention span, the maturation can occurr at an astonishing rate, but if the person is subject to codependence, the maturation may never occur. In fact much of the pollen will wither and die. Even when the pollen has nearly disappeared, the initial contaminent remains; this is what causes listless love(usually exibited in married couples).
When the pollen has matured it is released from it's victim by the release of another toxin which instantly allows the body to reject it. A side effect of this toxin is displayed through resentment and disillusionment. Once the pollen is released through the sweat glands, it once again becomes airborne, and begins it's long trek home. Botanists are still unsure how it manages the incredible journey back to the island, or why it only germinates there, but they think it might have something to do with penguins and statues.
So, all the love has gone to a small island in the South Pacific.
I hope this has helped.
-BFG
Send questions to BFG c/o gdt@iname.com. She's not only wise...she a wise ass.
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