Cartoons-page1

Monday May 1, 1995
Volume 1, Issue 15
"Because you can only have so much fun with animated vegetables."

I don't know about the rest of you, but for a very significant portion of my life, cartoons were all encompassing. I grew up in an area without cable, so Saturday became the holy of holies. I'd kneel in front of the great alter that was our TV and worship, along with my various superhero dolls (it varied from week to week which doll would have my favor, though Aquaman, Batman, and Superman made regular appearances. Hell, I even had a Batman costume that I'd wear). Ahh, I still miss The Justice League, The Littles, Dungeons and Dragons, and even those short segments of Captain Caveman.

Years of watching various cartoons has made something very clear; a definite pattern has arisen. There are three main groups of cartoons. The first mimics life. Cartoons of this kind are like the various "Japanimation" films, Dungeons and Dragons, Batman, etc. The characters are subject to the laws of physics, though they may possess powers allowing them to counteract physical law (like the jaws of all the men in the newer Batman cartoons. How those men can manage to keep their mouths closed with all that mass there is amazing).

The second main group of cartoons are those that mock life. The most obvious candidates for this category are The Simpsons, and any Loony Toon short (even those horrible versions where they tried to copy Disney). The characters can get blown to hell and still be ok for the next scene, or act in exaggerated ways.

The final group of cartoons are a hybrid of the two previous groups. They mimic life at one minute and mock at the next. These are just bad, and are often owned by HannaBarbarra. For some reason, HannaBarbara can make any cartoon cheap and soulless. Look what they did to Tom and Jerry. That was a great cartoon until HB got their meaty little hooks into it. Same thing with Droopy Dog. I don't know if HannaBarbarra was behind The Laugh Olympics, but I get the feeling that HB would have approved.

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I don't know about the rest of you, but for a very significant portion of my life, cartoons were all encompassing. I grew up in an area without cable, so Saturday became the holy of holies. I'd kneel in front of the great alter that was our TV and worship, along with my various superhero dolls (it varied from week to week which doll would have my favor, though Aquaman, Batman, and Superman made regular appearances. Hell, I even had a Batman costume that I'd wear). Ahh, I still miss The Justice League, The Littles, Dungeons and Dragons, and even those short segments of Captain Caveman. Years of watching various cartoons has made something very clear; a definite pattern has arisen. There are three main groups of cartoons. The first mimics life. Cartoons of this kind are like the various "Japanimation" films, Dungeons and Dragons, Batman, etc. The characters are subject to the laws of physics, though they may possess powers allowing them to counteract physical law (like the jaws of all the men in the newer Batman cartoons. How those men can manage to keep their mouths closed with all that mass there is amazing). The second main group of cartoons are those that mock life. The most obvious candidates for this category are The Simpsons, and any Loony Toon short (even those horrible versions where they tried to copy Disney). The characters can get blown to hell and still be ok for the next scene, or act in exaggerated ways. The final group of cartoons are a hybrid of the two previous groups. They mimic life at one minute and mock at the next. These are just bad, and are often owned by HannaBarbarra. For some reason, HannaBarbara can make any cartoon cheap and soulless. Look what they did to Tom and Jerry. That was a great cartoon until HB got their meaty little hooks into it. Same thing with Droopy Dog. I don't know if HannaBarbarra was behind The Laugh Olympics, but I get the feeling that HB would have approved.