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St. Quentin
October 31
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Hey there brothers and sisters of the immaculate deception, welcome once again to the shrine of Catholic suffering. The martyr for the week of Oct. 30-Nov. 5 is the great St. Quentin. A Roman soldier who converted to Christianity in the late third century, our saint missionized in Gaul. Here he was martyred after being tortured in some unique and cruel ways. He had hot nails driven into his head and was stretched, pulled and pushed on an extravagant rack that worked with weights and pulleys. Next they filled his mouth with a mixture of quicklime, vinegar and mustard (now you know the ingredients of the Nick Tahou's garbage plate!), beheaded him and threw his perforated corpse into the Somme river. About fifty years later his body resurfaced and a blind woman was cured when she stumbled over it. Naturally she founded a church dedicated to him on that spot (now the city of Saint Quentin in France). It is ironic that one of our most famous prisons is named for this saint, since in another episode of his life an angel once freed him from prison. Quentin is the patron saint of bombardiers, chaplains, locksmiths, tailors and porters. If you have the sniffles or a raging smokers cough, this is the saint you are to invoke.
Other saints of note for this week (although not martyrs) are St. Mathurin (patron of fools, Nov.1), St. Rumbald( only lived for 3 days, yet quoted scripture and preached to the public, Nov. 3) and St. Martin de Porres ( patron of hairdressers, people of mixed race, public health workers and Peruvian television {i'm not kidding},also Nov. 3). The other big day this week is All Souls day on Nov. 2. This is the day to pray for the souls of all those unfortunates who are stuck in the afterlife waiting room, the line at the Bursar's win- I mean purgatory. Until next week remember: stigmatas put the fun in functional disfigurement.
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