Gracies Dinnertime Theatre Page 4

Microscopic Moral Mythology "All Life is Precious." - Part II People often think I'm a vegetarian. They think I breathe granola and bleed bean curd. Apparently I "look" like a vegetarian, but I'm not. I don't eat a whole hell of a lot of meat, but that's got more to do with flavor and less to do with moral reservations. Perhaps if I'd never watched that one documentary when I was a child I would be a vegetarian today, but it's too late now. A lot of vegetarians I've met will go on and on about a painless menu and cruelty to animals, but what about cruelty to vegetables. Can you imagine what it must be like for a stalk of wheat in the center of an immense field surrounded by a lot of it's fellow siblings. Suddenly it starts feeling the electric impulse screams of thousands of it's neighbors through the soil. It travels through the nervous system like lignin with it's terrifying message... The threshing machine is coming! You laugh? They're only vegetables? Well, the electrical impulses through the soil between suffering plants are real and scientifically proven. The structure of lignin? It even utilizes the strength of the double helix. Yeah, that's real too. You still say," They're only vegetables. They can't feel anything." Well Maybe. It's really hard to tell isn't it? They're only savages... They're only animals. I bet the Nazis even said, "They're only jews." It's sort of the age old justification of the oppressor, isn't it? They don't feel things like we do. But you never can be sure, can you?

I'm not telling you to stop eating all together, you need to to survive. Eat what you like, nothing is stopping you. Just keep in mind that whatever you're eating, something died for that. I don't think eating is a terrible crime, I'm just saying that you can't make a salad without breaking a few heads. Just don't jump up, wagging the lethal end of your carrot in my face while I chew on chicken. Remember a plant died for that carrot, and just because you can't find hear it scream, or see it cry, doesn't mean it doesn't feel. -Kelly Gunter Ever been in a bar, drinking souls with Lord Vader? No? That's ok. We want you anyway. Gracies Dinnertime Theatre is looking for creative individuals to help in publication. All majors welcome. Contact: diablo@csh.rit.edu

Bill Gates of Microsoft unveils his newest plan... We are Microsoft. OS/2 is irrelevant. Unix is irrelevent. Openness is futile. Prepare to be assimilated.

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