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No Title
-Hanna Thomas
Try as I might, I could never really hate anyone...that boy included. But you, you were the closest I ever came to it. That boy may have defiled my body, but you surely defiled my mind.
As I sat across your desk from you and you assumed the mask of my friend and confidant, you really thought you played the part well didn't you? And I rewind the moment back to a night. That night when that boy ground and smothered me in an empty place with the fullest audience of the sky sparkling down their approval.
That night when I said no, but my body said yes. The yes was enunciated while that boy would not listen to me inside and I left a hollow outside behind, hollow, mistreated, ignored shell behind. I journeyed to the sky so full of companions as if almost to completely ignore all physical sensations and returned once that boy could do no more.
Later on that boy was to say that he was not accountable for his actions, but that I was. I was accountable because of all of the littlest things I do that I never even thought about. Things I do all the time, except now they had been done for his benefit only. I suppose even when he was not around. For a year afterward I watched everything I did, I stopped myself from ever becoming comfortable so that no one else would have the right to do this to me, a right they had never possessed in the first place.
Once again I returned to the room with a man, my advocate, my friend? No, I don't think so.
"Why didn't you scream?"
"There was no one there. There was no one to hear me."
"That doesn't matter. Screaming is a disabler whether anyone else is around to do anything or not."
I'm sorry I must have forgotten all of my lessons from grade school on how best to get sexually assaulted....
"Being raped is a disabler as well."
If a girl screams when she's being raped in an empty place with a rapist who has not listened to her up to this point, does she make a sound?
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