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Dr. Cy Kosis "Insightful answers to life's petty problems." Dear Cy I'm twenty six years old, married, with one son. I've been living away from home, but in the same town for six years. I have a younger brother "Keith" age twenty four who is addicted to prescription medication, and he's even been arrested several times for forging prescriptions. Keith is currently living with our mother, who could only be described as a classic enable. After years of serious reflection and professional counseling, I've decided recently to stop being involved in their constant emotional crisis. This, by definition, has required me to place conditions on my relationship with both of them. My problem is in dealing with the guilt I feel when my mother pleads with me to help Keith by extending unconditional love and acceptance to him. My head tells me not to do it, my heart tells me I'm a jerk. What should I do?
Signed, Dear Need a prescription,
You sound emotionally tired of the uncertainty that goes with not knowing what would be a loving response to the situation. If you didn't care so much, this situation would be much easier to deal with. Consequently, it's your caring and concern for those involved, that cause you to agonize over your choice. A mental health professional, with experience in dealing with, substance abuse issues, might be helpful, as well as Alanon, a self help group for family members of substance abusers. |
On the other hand, the only thing that counseling is going to do is reinforce your current feelings that what you're doing is right. It won't help you to deal with the guilt trip Mom is laying on you. There is really only one way to approach the guilt trip thing; get her to believe in your position. Your mom sounds pretty gullible, so tell her that because you love your brother, you've been investigating homeopathic aids to help Keith overcome his addiction. Tell her that a renowned herbologist has discovered that certain herbs can help people with their addictive cycles. Then go to the pharmacy and buy the largest empty capsules they sell. Fill each with the most concentrated, over the counter, laxative available. Have your mom give Keith one or two a day, but tell her not to mention that they came from you. Tell Keith that you've noticed mom under a lot of stress lately, and she seems to be getting very careless and unsanitary about food preparation. Tell Mom that severe diarrhea is a sure sign of continued drug use, and that if he does get diarrhea, even more of the "medication" is needed. Tell Keith that if he gets the runs real bad, it may be food poisoning, and he should be sure to take the food supplements that Mom gives him, but he should stop eating Mom's cooking. Tell Mom that drug addicts will often grow paranoid about their food just before they become homicidal, and if that is the case, even larger doses of the "medication" may be necessary. Tell Keith that if he gets a severe case of diarrhea it is a sure sign that Mom is trying to poison him, and under no circumstances should he eat at home anymore. Tell Mom and Keith individually that if the other become paranoid the only solution is for brother to leave immediately!
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