Bitch and Moan
Portrait of a Murder
Intellectual Barbarism
by andrea chrisman

Let's make bigger and better bombs.
I think of Hiroshima.

I think of the thousand nuclear warheads, and how we ever got to this point with our bigger and better brains. Do we cherish life so much? Not just our own, but all life as we know it? Nuclear Winter is really frightening, as is the thought of Sadam Hussein having the potential power to blow us to smithereens. We've used our heightened intellect and reason to find more painful ways of annihilating each other. And another president candidate declares war to win the election.

What we should do is put our brains to better use, like for instance, finding an alternative to nuclear annihilation. Instead of army grunts, why not recruit computer geeks into the military? Microsoft could merge with all the computer greats of the NATO countries. From there, they can develop the ultimate "WARGAMES." Instead of killing people, video games would decide colonization. If Kuwait wins against Iraq, Kuwait gets Iraq. Iraq surrenders its government, and until challenged successfully, Kuwait maintains rule. Should Sadam Hussein ever wish to declare war on the United States, his computer geek militia would have to be formidable competition for Bill Gates. It could be like RISK on computer. There should, of course, be a disadvantage to countries with lesser armies, and governments should still have to pay big bucks for weapons. Nuclear Bombs cost 10 million dollars. Make the check payable to Microsoft, Inc. and get it on 4 floppy disks. Machine guns, planes, stealth bombers, military fortresses all have to be accumulated on disk using the tax money of the poor (that should make republicans happy). Credit will be given to each country's government for all the military assets they currently possess irl (in real life for the computer illiterate). No more real life guns and ammo will be made anywhere. They will become obsolete.

Of course local law enforcement will begin collecting all the household arms and fire power leaving only antiques not suitable for firing. Global security teams will begin covert operations to ensure no little countries are perfecting any other form of armament. And naturally, there will be pirating of software, but as this qualifies as covert operations and has been an acceptable means of obtaining government secrets for many centuries, this will be acceptable. Besides, since Microsoft clearly controls 50% of everything (Disney owning the other 50%), I doubt that rebel manufacturers will find it more profitable to work as spies. Most of these people will find the benefits package at Microsoft quite appealing once Microsoft begins manufacturing the software for its WARGAMES.

The war zone will be on an island in the middle of the Atlantic ocean, and UNIX systems will be set up to a network system linked, making paired systems of 1 per country linked to each other country. There will be a highly effective security system changed on a weekly basis controlled by a neutral country of Europe, say Switzerland, and this will ensure that no tampering takes place with the system.

Should the business chose a side, they will immediately be eliminated from the process, and be allowed no further --official-- profit. Should the country in which these major corporations operate ever be taken over by a country that is not democratic, they will be given free asylum to move to any country of their choice. The makers of the games, the security systems and the software will of course be allowed no governmental ties. Their role is simply profit. And since big business controls most of our country's activities as it is, this will come as no surprise to the Americans that big business will command all the major operations of the WARGAMES.

Let governments fight their wars on the Information highway, and not on our doorsteps. This will insure that not another innocent life is lost to war (except perhaps those few casualties of pirating operations that go awry).

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