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Ask BFG
Dear BFG,
When people say "They say", just who ARE "they"? And should we worship them or fear them?
-- Red 9, chickening out and leaving
(I really need to preface this answer. I had previously thought about this very question and discarded it do to the obscene number of bad puns involved in its answer. But it has been officially asked by an outside party, and so I will surrender my answer. The reader has been warned.)
The people spoken of in the comment "they say" are part of a very exclusive and elusive company. The employees of They® have backgrounds in practically every field imaginable, thus explaining the utter breath of their expertise. Noticably a large segment of this group are meteorologists, which explains the numerable comments to the effect of "They® say it's going to rain."
Another prominent field in which They® add their special commentary is urban |
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Do you ever find yourself bursting into spontaneous laughter, much to the befuddlement of your companions?
Have you noticed that when you tell other people your ideas they either stare at you in horror , or end up pounding the floor in an unproductive attempt to lift their having mass from it's hysterical incapacitation?
Are you bored?
If you answered "Yes" to any of these, then
GDT wants you, baby.
We want writers, artists, and basically anything we can get our hands on.
And if you don't find yourself swooning from giddiness on your first writing/editing adventure with us...go write for the Reporter.
Come. Join us; the Dark Side is warm and squishy. |
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mythology and superstition. Because, "you know what They® say about people like that. In fact They® say things about everyone. In the past the corporation which comprises They®, (a world wide organization actually bent on world domination through control of stereotypes, petty gossips, and all communication byways.) was actually in the business of manufacturing products of impeccable quality. They® have relinquished this persuit in order to focus on what They Say®(their actual product), and how They® want people to react to it. Which really is too bad, because as a manufacturing company their products were really top notch. Thus, we have the expression, "They® just don't make things like They® used to."
As for whether or not we should worship Them, I think we already do. Just think of all the times you've heard the statement uttered, "You know what They® say..." as if to nod your head and say, instant verificable fact. It's like some obscene game of operator from God to them, and from them to you. But before you take all these answers as gospel truth, click your heels together three times, think of Kansas, and ask yourself, "what's in it for them?"
-BFG
Send your questions to BFG c/o: diablo@csh.rit.edu
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Random Facts:
In February, 1891, James Bartley fell into the sea from the whaler The Star of the East and was swallowed by a wounded sperm whale. Several hours later, once the whale was killed and was being cut up, Bartley was found alive in the whale's stomach. For a time, he was insane, but eventually recovered. His hair, however was bleached white.
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Elephant Stew
1 elephant
salt and pepper
2 rabbits (optional)
Cut elephant into small bite sized pieces and saute in butter. This should take about 2 months. Add enough brown gravy to cover. Cook over kerosene fire at 465 degrees for about 4 weeks. This will serve 3,800 people. If more are expected, the two rabbits may be added, but do this only if necessary, as most people do not like to find "hare" in their stew.
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